Thursday, January 10, 2013

Music!. ?. !!. Ish. !

Based on several (rather popular) songs I've heard recently, I'm pretty sure I could create successful music using the following process:

1) Write down some seemingly coherent lyrics. Do not edit these lyrics. The original "flavor" is desirable. Typos are ideal.

2)Randomly select several notes, then randomly assign them note lengths, sufficient to fill 2-5 minutes.

3) From a music book (why think when I can use a book?)  randomly select chords based on some of those notes, and then, randomly intersperse them in place of some notes.

4) "Hire" a 3 year old to bang on pots and pants for the desired duration. Insert product as drums.

5) Omit bass entirely. Apparently harmony is overrated.

6) Generate vocal line by randomly select which notes on the melody to sing, while replacing the other notes with more randomly selected notes and chords.

7) Hire Con some overly enthusiastic college music major into singing my nonsensical lyrics according to generated system.

8) ?

9) Profit.

Don't give away my system. This type of methodical analysis takes intense time and effort.

Grapple plaster.


  1. I recently saw the lyrics from a great rock and roll song of the '70s compared with a Nicki Manaj song. I think she used your system.

    1. Haha. Can't say I'm terribly surprised. Modern pop music in particular liberally applies step 1.

      Though I think many classic rock bands over applied step 5 and step 7.

  2. Here's my song, here's my song, here's my song

    Repeat same words for the entire song.
    Make up your melody cuz' you will remember it better...

    Brynn can bang the pans or tupperware for me!

    1. You're on to something here. I hadn't even considered just repeating the lyrics over and over.

      True, the melody might need a tiny bit more effort than the rest. Ideally, I'd listen to a lot of popular music and just steal existing hooks.

      You might need to wait till Brynn has stronger hand strength if you want her to really wail on some pots and pans. I'm sure she can do it, but I suspect she won't quite generate the rhythm-less staccato feel I'd expect from today's popular infant drummers.