Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Story 1-10

(This is it! The last story in the first series, where we see my powers manifest and the first hints of true peril. Now I'll be forced to find the next series. I hope it is in a box under my bed. That's where I keep old writing.)

Students attend school, often learning, sometimes playing. At times they take breaks. Those breaks often last for weeks and months, hopefully full of fun and delight. This is one such story.
No guarantee is made that these events are real, or based on any same, rational, or real event of any sort. Except Kenny the Tree. He lives in Kansas.
I decided to go on a trip to a skiing type place. On this “trip“ I realized that I had two feet.
While I was skiing I rammed face first into a large tree type thing. I then named this tree Kenny. - Note, Kenny the Tree has asked that his location be removed for privacy reasons. However, you will know him when you see him.- Upon standing up from this frightfully horrendous event I concluded that somehow my skies has become a “snow“ “board“. Well as I am not all that good at skiing anyway, I would, obviously be even worse at snowboarding. So I was feeling quite afraid for my life. Being impaled should be avoided when possible. Obviously. - Lies. I love to be impaled!- I hopped right onto that there snow board and away I zoomed. On and on I zoomed, like a pro I zigged down that there mountain.
Then I opened my eyes and realized that I had not really gone anywhere at all and in fact I had just stood in one spot and pretended. I had grown quite tired and decided not to attempt to ski down the mountain. Instead I decided that sledding was certainly my best bet.
Sledding did not work. So instead thought I ought to make the mountain just shrink and that way get down. Of course that did not work either. -Thrilling-
Finally, out of options, I transported myself to the bottom to think about it for a while, when I realized that I was in fact already at the bottom. After this realization I danced many small circles and went to have some really good hot cocoa.
I then went to my room, which may not have been a room, but that's what I called it while on my “supposed ski trip/vacation death trap dealy bop.”
Once I entered the room I knew that someone must be staying there already, as the beds were all nicely unmade and there was food in the mini fridge, which, of course, I ate. Quickly.
When the inhabitants returned, finding me rummaging through their personal belongings as I was, I inquired as to the whereabouts of my room, which discovered had been stolen by a large purple monster. –lies, lies, its all a bunch of lies. You are surely the most incompetent person that I have ever meant. Nothing after the part about the cocoa ever happened. Sure it did! You don't remember it because you were...unconscious! Yeah! Knocked out after hitting your head on Kenny the Tree. Oh. Well I'll believe that.-
As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, a large purple monster had stolen my rom and taken it off to some odd place. So I chased the beast and as soon as I did I realized that large purple monsters are really only destroyed cell phones. Because I knew this truth I thus ignored him. Monsieur purple monsters don’t like being ignored, so he attacked me in a horrendous ball of fury, which engulfed me. Smitely. But did not harm me on the slightest nor did it scathe my wondrous...uhh...wonder. -very original-
As you can guess I was quite disturbed that this purple being of cell phoniness may possibly have been part of the peril. Why he may, in fact, be an enemy whom I was meant to rid the planet of in my quest to defeat my peril. Then I turned to face him, and I unsheathed my handy light bright. I tossed those light bulbs at him “like none other“ - That’s right i said like none other! And I really meant it too! Good one self. That'll learn 'em.-
My attack was unsuccessful, because (as I should have known, but only learned later,) large purple fiery cell phone monsters have absolutely nothing to do with a light bright. Thus –jelly smells like cheese- those little bulbs didn’t do that much, except of course, make him glow all those neat colors of the little bulbs.
I knew I'd have to try something else. I would eat 5 donut buddies and then kick him in the shins while shooting insane duck/children at him. Then I would kick him again, real good this time, toss him in a pool of pudding, and THEN sell him to Not George Or Bob. Who, by the way, collects, repairs, and makes broken cell phones.
But then I thought that a large purple pudding covered clown face glowing cell phone monster would not only spark him cell phone interests, but also humor and amuse him. So of course, knowing that I had a good trade, attack as mentioned. I'm not sure if it worked, but I sold him to Not George or Bob anyway.
Not George or Bob loved him, but gremlin-monster marriages remain illegal. As far as I know they still work together, managing their relationship despite the occasional squabble.
For giving Not George or Bob this, I received a large “tennis-racket.“ I applied a good bit of old school Mafia-style extortion and turned it into a very profitable racket indeed. -That was terrible. Puns are not funny. Sure they are.-
About this time, I discovered my latent telekinetic, psycho-empathic, and just plain special and mentally superior, powers.
Well this was quite an interesting adventure that I had gone on, and I wondered what I would do next, when I realized that I could sell my broken glass table leg for a roll of duct tape, and 3 jumbo jelly beans. So that’s what I did. Then I went home to play a long game of chess with my stuffed moose.
At about this time, you should be imagining Something Other Than George or Bob sticking his head through the ground and saying “See? What did I tell you? Peril, Eh? EHH?!”

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