Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Story 1-8

(Disclaimer: I wrote these "stories" in high school, during study hall, when I should have been doing my homework. Meaning, they are not representative of my current writing.
I've edited them so they embarrass me less, but only the grammar and punctuation. They're still embarrassing, but are a little funny. Or something.)

Something other than George or Bob come up to me and raises his hand in the air, shaking it about, nearly poking both my eyes out in the process. And so he says, “Riiiiiiino! You, yes you, stop fidgeting, have met small peril before, but now great peril will come upon you and increase its intensity 10 fold! Well maybe not 10, but at least fifty percent more. So watch out! Things will be more dangerous from now on! OOOooooooo!” Then, Something other than George or Bob scampered away to go jump rope with his friends.
Well I sure wasn’t scarred of the old so-called, somewhat quasi normal peril, but this 1.5 times amplified peril was so great even I was shaking in his boots. And the scary thing about this was that I was not wearing boots! I was wearing galoshes, yeah you heard me! Galoshes! So there!
I figured that if I was going to defeat my new and improved 1.5 times more perilous perils then I should get a good night’s rest and have a healthy breakfast, so I went home. As I went to sleep I vaguely remembered Something other than George or Bob’s warning and I wondered if it was possible for any sort of peril to get me in my dreams. –So now the story will be dream stuff until I say that the dreams are over.–
I found myself once again in the mysterious forest, battling the giant field mouse (you may recall such a fight from previous adventures,) but it was a whole lot larger. Really, the size increase was quite impressive. Just as it was about to crush me into a pancake, a feeling I can only call fuzzy came over me. Then, I noticed that I was no longer in the mysterious forest. Instead I was in a city and all the trees had been turned into buildings, but there was no one moving. It was as if time had frozen, leaving all the people and candy wrappers hanging in the air.
I said to myself, “Self, know what? I could have a lot of fun here.”
“Know what?” I said in reply, echoing my earlier words. “I really could and I think that it would indeed be neat.“
So I went up to almost all the cars and I opened the glove compartments. Then I popped their trunks open for no reason at all. –I know this might seem rather mean and perhaps a little evil, but it was a dream and I knowsed that its was a dreams. So I didn’t really care that I was doing all these really mean things.–
Before I could cause any more mischief in my dream lands, I woke up. Well believe you me, this oddity of a dream had startled me to a certain degree, but for the most part, I felt much relieved, because having control of my dreams has always been a sure sign of my sanity.
Well rested after a very sane night of sleep, I felt hungry, so I swam down the stairs into my kitchen. I was quite famished, and anticipated a large breaking of the fast, of BREAKFAST as it is commonly called. I soon discovered one of the great perils that I would have to face. When I opened my cuboard, I discovered all my cereal had been eaten by a large pack of traveling weirdoes (you know, the type with those hair cuts, who always wear those stupid hats,) who had mistaken my house as some sort of a inn with free lodging and food.
Missing out on breakfast really boiled my ears. (That hurts a lot, trust me.) As soon as I got some ice for my burnt lobes I immediately set off to the nearest food supplement repository. Upon arrival, I went to the automatic door, but for some reason it had backwards writing on it and it only let people out. So when one person came out I thanked them and politely went in. (Later research suggests that this was some sort of backwards trap for people who are too stupid to escape a one way door.) As soon as I went through the first door I was faced with the same problem again, though now knowing the trick, I overcame this puzzle with ease, only taking another fifteen minutes to enter the the edible material resovour.
Once inside, I immediately went to the nearest currency/supplement exchange vendor, and requested the location of marshmallow and grain chunk heterogeneous mixture contained within a plastic repository bag. I tell ya that this operational manager of the checkout lane did not understand at all what I meant in any way, he was obviously of a lesser intellect. As a result of this confrontation, I decided that I must go in search of it myself so that I could completely gain the satisfaction of gaining my goal. I found the cereal in aisle three.
The first phase complete, I set out to gain the material that would be used to liquidate the entire combination inside of an upturned three dimensional concave circle. Milk was easier to find, so I found myself on the way out within moments. Having obtained all three things, I went to the food checkout lane. Whence the transaction was completed, I went off to my home, which by some quirk of fate, of just by normal happenstance, was on fire at the time of my return. I refused to let a simple fire dampen my spirits. –You are such an idiot. The house was not on fire! You are making things up again, not that you need to, things being perilous enoguh as they were. I can’t believe this guy; the nerve of some people.–
Oh. Right then. So I went into the house and kicked off my shoes. Then I went and threw my coat on the coat rack and karate chopped the cupboard, just to announce that I had returned to my domain. While I was doing all this I leaped into the air, twirled about a few times, did an airborne sumersault, spring boarded off the refrigerator, tossed the entire ensemble of food onto the table, where it landed in perfect eating order, and flew into a seat, sitting down to consume my breakfast.
Satisfied with my aerobatic routine, I was content to eat my breakfast in peace. At about this point imagine Something Other Than George or Bob sticking his head through the ground and saying “See? What did I tell you? Peril, Eh?“

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