Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Story 1-5

I walked down the long wooden plank leading to the boat. –I was going to take a cruise you see– It happened to be a Caribbean cruise on a “cruise ship.” So as this “cruise ship” cruised along I observed an unusual sight. There was this pink floating blob floating along and it floated it’s merry way on down to where the captain, first mate and most of the bridge crew were sitting and whacked them on the back of the head with a large wooden police beaty-beat stick that it had.

“That's odd,” says I.

At about this point I decided to take a swim in the pool. The one that IS on the boat of course, not the pool that follows the boat along side doing pool things. I don’t think anyone would want to swim in that pool.

After about half an hour of swimming I realized “when pink blobs attack people they should not whack people on the back of the head. Instead they should shoot small and unbelievably weak pink blobs of goo at them and hope to make them fall over the side of the boat,” which is much more sensible. I mean it’s just not done that way. If pink blobs went around whacking people the entire world would fall into disorder.

So I went back to that pink blob, which was now sailing the boat on it’s own course, and I said to it “Hey! Pink blobs are not supposed to go around whacking people, they are supposed to shoot pink blobs at people and make them fall off the edge, which is much more sensible.” I added that last part on my own.

The pink blob did not like that, so it began an attack run at me and in response I shot this really neat pink blob of 
strange goo at it and slimed it away after only one simple attack. Upon impact of this attack the pink blob flew over the edge and dissolved in the water that was below the side of this boat.

Noting the lack of a conscious bridge crew, I decided to steer the boat for a while. So I took control of the boat and began to drive it to where ever I decided that I should. Thus when the crew awoke it was raining mystical white gelatin! This was probably because I had steered the entire boat to the place where I commonly refer to as “the gelatin kingdom,” which may be misleading, because it's actually a duchy, the duke there being in liege to the King of Sugar, who lives in Iowa.
When we got there everyone was happy and joyous, and they all got off the boat in the manner of joyous and happy people, thankfully skipping the needless “push people into the water” part of the celebration. As I am the ruler of the gelatin kingdom thus they were ruled by me. This was neat to say the least. Neat. Thus ended this journey. Ended.

As I have yet to argue with myself I shall proceed to do so for the rest of the time. – Or shall I at that? Yes I think that I shall. OK then. But I don’t want to. Oh what do I think? I say lets kill him. No I want tea…and biscuits. No not biscuits– Let me stop you right there, before you go any further and commit some sort of legal infringement. That’s the scene with the red knight from “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.” It isn't something that you made up at all. Are you sure? Of course I’m sure! Well, no, wait am I? Err, yes, of course I am!– At this point imagine something other than George or Bob sticking his head through the ground and saying “See? What did I tell you? Peril Eh?“