Thursday, March 22, 2012

Story 1-4

(Disclaimer: I wrote these "stories" in high school, during study hall, when I should have been doing my homework. Meaning, they are not representative of my current writing.

I've edited them so they embarrass me less, but only the grammar and punctuation. They're still embarrassing, but are a little funny. Or something.)

In my previous stories I have related numerous adventures, many of which may have been either true or occasionally humorous, but often neither and only occasionally one or the other. If any of you feel those stories were inappropriate or dumb in any way then I suggest that you not read this story. I hope it will follow a similar format and at least one time should, hopefully, be either true or funny.
As I got up from a wonderful, and might I add quite resting, night of half-sleep-like-daze I went out to eat my whole wheat O’s with de-fatted cow milk. As I ate this mixture with my UTENSITRON I happily viewed the electron charged color viewing box, or TV as I have heard it called by the locals.
While I was enjoying my morning “Break-FAST,” some jerk rang the doorbell. So I called my doorman –Jimmy? Bob? Joe? Odd, I don’t rightly remember his name. Maybe it was Kellswith? I'll call him Kellswith.– You see as I got up I smashed my head into my door frame and toppled over onto the ground and righted about in pain until the massive pain and sudden convulsions subsided.
-I don’t know about you; Well I do, he or she or it is dumb and ugly and stupid and smells bad and is ugly and smells REALLY bad. How dare you talk about the reader like that? I mean I can’t believe you just did that. I never– after which he, that is, Kellswith went out to answer the door. The person at the door was currently was named Ben, or maybe Bendo.
Well this “BEN“ ran into my home, because apperntly that's what he does. Where upon he attacked a monstrosity of a pink puffy hamster rabbit cross breed, who, as it happened, was just about to engage in a game of chess with my stuffed moose. The chocolate moose as a matter of fact.
So I threw a small stuffed toy at Ben, who was infuriated by this further assault, and began to mutter at random about meaningless things, which involved something about it being time to get up. Thus I sat down in my theater chair, which I keep in my main chamber of my house for events such as this.
After sitting down, I grabbed a large bad of popcorn and continued sitting to watch the upcoming combat.  After the fight, the victor would duel me in a game of checkers. Well that crazy Ben kid came running at the fuzzy bunny, who turned around and picked Ben up effortlessly. Ben responded by pinching the Bunny’s ear, before running out the door in a mad fit.
This suited me very well because my stuffed moose is very good at Parcheesi (which I often confuse with yahtzee,) whereas that Ben kid, well Ben aint so good any card game. The bunny creature however, is quite excellent at all games that require massive mathematical computations and strategic coordination. –excuse me I've seen you say that this is a game of chess, checkers, Parcheesi, sorry!, and pente, along with some odd game that requires the superior intellect of a massive pink bunny creature with unlimited strength. Which game is it really? What people are these you're talking about? Bunny guy? Moose? I don't know what you mean? What? Have you been reading what you've been writing? No, only fools do that. – Needless to say, I ran out of popcorn long before they started, so I lobbed, not hurled or threw mind you, my chair at the two of them and stormed out of the room.
Soon after, I heard laser fire from the danger room, so I quickly ran down there only to find wolverine and gambit about to be killed – I'm pretty sure that's a scene from x-men actually. Whatever.- Anyhow, they're about to be killed when – Hey wait, he, err, I'm right. Oh well, I have no idea what I was talking about. So from now on I am going to ramble randomly on a new topic of my choosing. How is that different from before? Quiet you. –
So then I started to repel down the castle wall to the ground, because my moat had dried out. I hopped down onto my umbrella pogo stick, which quickly snapped under the massive impact of the falling asteroids. Quite soon after I landed on the ground and was sucked up (or down if you prefer,) by the muddy muck below.
As soon as this happened I sprinted off, having noticed a large group of boys dressed in neat-o animal costumes that really piqued my interests in the movie Peter Pan. Well this was just too much for me and at that point I attacked them and threw them all off a nearby cliff, but not before stealing all of their costumes (they were fully dressed underneath, worry you not,) clubs and other neat-o stuff. (It was a small cliff, they were fine.)
The weapons I threw at Peter Pan, who may have attacked me, so I attacked him back. Not long after I dug a small hole in the ground and made a neat home there, my second ground based home for the week. At this point imagine Something Other Than George or Bob sticking his head through the ground and saying “See? What did I tell you? Peril Eh?"

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