Saturday, February 18, 2012


Sometime in my high school career, around the turn of the millennium, I had study hall. Or halls. Variously, there was studying doing, but also, I did a good deal of writing.

During study hall I discovered that, lacking any direction, delight, and lacking hobbies beyond origami (and seeing no future in the then collapsing paper-folding market) or confusing banter (and not wanting to take up a career in politics,) I decided to peruse writing as a career, or at least a passable degree.

The following are the...stories... (I call them this for lack of a better term. I hesitate to call them stories, but you'll see why when you read them,) that I wrote during these study halls.

When creating them, I would impose odd rules on the writing of any one story. Maybe I could only write it with my left hand, maybe I could only use a pen that was nearly dry and when it ran out of ink, the story ended, maybe I had to keep the entire story under two pages, printed, (or perhaps over 12 pages,) or some such random nonsense.

They're not “good.” They're nonsensical, they're hardly interesting, they're funny, obnoxious, pretentious (though not because of any deliberate pretense on my part other than that you have some vague knowledge of the workings of my mind, in all its,) short, hard to read, hard to understand, non-linear, not plot based, not character based, poorly written...the list goes on.

I found them fun to write, and sometimes to read. I still find them fun, or at least agree with the idea of possibly fun related to their existence.

I've done some significant editing to make them something less of an embarrassment to their writer (me.) The editing is not significant to the plot (or lack thereof,) but is large in quantity, thereby allowing the use of “significant.”
The plot (or what passes for a plot,) is unchanged, or generally non-existent, so therefore, still unchanged. The humor has been enhanced slightly, often explaining a joke that was a bit too vague. The grammar has been added. The punctuation has been added. The formatting, structure, paragraphs, quotation marks, and general “edit” editing has been added.

All this for the sake of your sanity, which I'm not sure I value in the first place, but which seems to do no greater harm to you than you do to it, so I'll leave it be. Like an ant carrying a Volkswagen made of antimatter.

Prepare yourself, brave fool. You descend into my madness.

Had Dante conceived of these stories, he would have saved his warning (“Abandon hope (all) ye who enter here”...but in 14th century Italian,) for you who are about to read them. Ok, that's hyperbole, but it's what came to mind when I was writing this, and that is what this is all about. It's stream of consciousness. And I'm both of the nouns (discounting the pronoun, which is hardly a noun,) in the sentence before this.

3...2...1..FIGHT (That's “Go” in fighting games. You're welcome.)

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